How it Happens

How it happens - 13/7/08

People have asked me how I make the sounds I do so I shall explain.

First of all, there are a lot of things in my head that I don’t understand.

Once every some days, I open up my brain and let all the extra bits float about, and I steer them into my magical blender. My blender is magical because I have sellotaped keys onto it and a bit of an old gramaphone.

Out of my magical blender comes a squiggly kind of mess. This is good.

blender

Next I have to plant the squiggly mess, and tend it lovingly.

farmer

Sometimes I have to poke the selfish filth clouds to make them give up their coveted orange rain, which will nourish my noises just the right amount.

orange rain

When the sounds are ready I harvest them and put them in a box with other things like drums.

Then I leave the box out in the sun and let birds bark at it until it’s sufficiently disturbed.

birdbark

Next I seal the box tightly so that bits of noise can’t crawl out, and finally I send it off to a loving home, where once opened it will slowly drain the enjoyment out of people’s hearts and cause them to shake once a week when they sleep.

peoplesad

There is a reason for all this of course, but that will be revealed at a later date…